Freedom Is a Lie Without Belonging

We’ve been sold a story.

A shiny, seductive one. One that says the goal is to be independent. Autonomous. Untethered.

Be your own boss. Work from anywhere. Answer to no one. Achieve “freedom.”

But here’s the truth: Freedom alone is empty.

We are biologically wired for connection.

We’re not meant to be lone wolves — we’re meant to be part of a pack.

The people who are the most fulfilled, the most alive, the most grounded?

They aren’t the ones with the most freedom.  They’re the ones with the most commitment.

They belong to something bigger than themselves.

Look around.  The most joyful people are almost never the ones who “have it all” or live in total independence.  They are the ones whose lives are intertwined with others:

They depend on family.

They show up for their communities.

They’re part of a mission-driven team.

They coach little league.

They go to church, temple, or synagogue — or gather around shared values.

They work for something they may never see finished.

They’ve traded total autonomy for deep purpose.

And they’re better for it.

The Lie of Hyper-Individualism

We live in a culture that confuses freedom with fulfillment.

But the numbers don’t lie:

13% of U.S. adults reported using antidepressants in the past 30 days — an all-time high for mental health reliance.

58% of American adults describe themselves as lonely, up from 46% just a few years ago.

Among fully remote U.S. workers, 25% say they often feel lonely, compared to 16% of fully on-site staff.

The percentage of U.S. adults aged 25–50 who have never married has climbed from roughly 9% in 1970 to 35% in 2018.

We’ve become convinced that liberation means isolation.  And in the process, we’ve lost the very thing we’re searching for: meaning.

The Ladder of Belonging

Real fulfillment ladders up.

Start with yourself — your values, your inner compass.

Then family — the ones you’d sacrifice for.

Then community — people who count on you.

Then mission — a cause that outlives you.

Then something transcendent — connection to something universal, hopeful, or sacred.

Each level of that ladder grounds us.  It gives us identity, meaning, responsibility.

And yes, it costs us something: time, energy, sacrifice.  But what we get in return is so much more.

The paradox is this:  The happiest people are not the freest.  They are the most committed.

The Leadership Lesson Here

Leadership isn’t about autonomy.  It’s about responsibility — to others.

The best leaders build environments of belonging — places where people feel safe, supported, and significant.

We don’t need more free agents.  We need more team builders.

We don’t need more solopreneurs chasing empty freedom. We need more mentors, coaches, co‑conspirators, and servant leaders.

And on a human level? We need to make depending on others cool again.

Final Thought: Don’t Trade Roots for Illusions

There may be no happier time in your life than when you commit — really commit — to something difficult, surrounded by people who lift you up and need you just as much.  So if you already have that?  Think twice before trading it for the illusion of independence.

Just like in nature, the deepest roots grow the tallest trees.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to ask yourself:

Where do I belong?

What am I committed to?

And who is better because I’m here?

That’s where fulfillment begins.  Not in freedom.

In purpose.